recover

it is blessed to know i am back to write a little for you. 

so i wonder how my life went along this 2019..... perharps it wouldnt be the best for me but alhamdulillah i will end it perfectlyyyyyyy inshaAllah aamiin. sorrounding by lovely thoughtful and protective friends, you got someone who could enter your heart silently, just perfect. 

i still remember the moments when i could see the my world turned out black, i had nobody to trust, to seek for help, to cry a river, i had nobody. i could still remember the moments when i almost gave up with myself, i lost interest in everything i loved before, (although it still the same but slowly i treasure it back) the moments i had everything in imaginary just....... not in reality. the times when youre so broken...... the broke in your heart nobody could ever sew for you.... 

i've been thinking a lot before what i will be in 2020 with my condition like this. hahahah perharps i will die in 2020 kot bcause i am so tired haha...... somehow i asked myself, why my life is like this? why am i need to go through of all this? why the person i loved the most never love me? am i unworthy to everyone? why everyone i loved did this to me! i never found that love is beautiful but i found it is cruel. SO CRUEL! i hate to be loved and being loved after what i had happened to me. you know what, i never thought i will have this emotion and these things probabily make me suffered..... 2019 sucks. 

i never reveal to anyone what ive been through but i just tell one secret what made me in MDD hahahahaha you will never know. and the problem is still hunting me.. but yeah, i am trying my best to recover slowly but surely. inshaAllah. 

its ok..... 

you know what, i never imagined i will have someone in my heart again. because it gives me big impact and trauma..... the love made me suffer, so how can i include myself again with this cruel thing again? i never believe myself i could get involve. hahahahaha. 

to the guy who finally opened my heart to you to enter,

a thousand thanks because you made me feel i am worth to be loved by someone. and i am qualified to love someone and the sincere is real. 

you taught me that love actually is something that you cannot gain easy and it is not simple. but when you go through together, the journey, you will find that love is so beautiful. i trust that. 

i hope, you will stay with me forever. never get tired to love me, endlessly. 

"takkan lagi ku sendiri,

kasih yang berlagu ini,

terasa keabadian cinta kau beri,

mungkin kadang ku bermimpi,

sebahagia begini,

kini bukan ilusi....." 

hehehe i dont know the lyrics is betul ke tak hahahahha lol shhhhhhhhh.

i am blessed for the end of 2019. i never expect i will end it. alhamdulillah. thankyou <3 div="">