as the days, the times passed by, sangaaaaat jarang dan terdetik untuk menaip sesuatu sebab lebih prefer untuk tulis diary secara bertulis sebab dan takde intention nak menaip dan membuka laptop. yeah actually buka laptop. sebab bila buka laptop mesti buat kerja, dan sekarang ni dalam fikiran saya sudah ter-locked dengan laptop aka kerja.
okay, disebabkan saya terbaca entry saya yang lepas dan saya dah buat perjanjian actually untuk menaip (beberapa hari kemudian) tapi tak tertaip ya rupanya, ada je sebenarnya sebab dia terhalimunan so certain people je boleh tengok ahahaha ceh takdelah.
okay ,memandangkan beberapa hari ini saya sangat lah tak productive untuk mental dan fizikal saya (nope, only my mental is issuing here) so, i decided to write up some points that i rarely share with you guys,
basically, i wrote down before about how my doa works on me (its still going) but i think, im not truly bersungguh dalam berdoa lagi. yeah. and sometimes, i missed my oppurtunity to be a pious and kindly betul betul seseorang yang fokus dalam doanya. i think so as i look back my past, saya sedikit terjauh dengan apa yang saya rasa saya patut buat.
im glad the past weeks as i thought i already recovered from im used to. but i dont think, it is suitable for me as the results - screening test- self diagnosed showed the severe is up to extremely severe to say im already recovered. its actually, im slowly recovering, but not free from it.
you know what the tough is? when you think you can be like you used to be, but the truth is everything seems so sorrow for you, nothing you can think clearly, always get exhausted especially during weekdays as you have class straight from 8 am until 3 pm but you cant get enough sleep, and your sleeping cycle is broken. you cant sleep at the right time, but the wrong time is the best time for you.
and you cant get off your mind why you are being so nervous for things yang takberlaku lagi pun? you always feel worry for things that actually is normal for everyone but you see it dalam keadaan yang kau rasa ya Allah besar betul benda tu...
dan bila mana dada kau rasa sempit dan takboleh nak nafas and you cant see people clearly as you think you detach yourself. and always think you will die tomorrow.
by now, i just hate myself for being like this. and the right words for today is, pls make a doa for me. :)
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